My blog is moving to my new website!!

To all my readers and students,

Thank you so much for your attention and support for my writing and teaching. It gives me so much satisfaction to see people make the connections with their own sexuality and higher self that put them on their own path to greater and greater heights of bliss.

I hope you will follow me to my new website - which I am very excited about!

You can find it at http://www.1tantra.com

Remember to update your bookmarks too!

Blessings,
Carla Read more >>

Breaking Free from Old Beliefs into Love and Abundance

If you ever feel that in spite of your best intentions and even great effort, you still seem unable to create and/or maintain the loving relationship you desire, then the following approach might help you.

Take a moment to reflect on your parents and your upbringing as a child. Make a list of what your mother and father believed about sex and love.

Now, consider the following list and answer for yourself, did you parents believe and tell you at an appropriate age that:

* sex is a gift from God and it is your right to enjoy it fully;
* sexual energy creates great pleasure and expands love;
* it is important to make love to yourself to find out what you like so you can tell your lover;
* moving sexual energy is healthy for your body, mind and spirit;
* it is your responsibly to achieve orgasms;
* you have the right to ask how you want to be touched and kissed, and where;
* you take turns in giving and receiving pleasure;
* before making love, clear out resentments that might create a bigger disturbance if not addressed;
* making love out of duty creates a rift in your soul;
* looking into each other's eyes in a soft way increases your openness to give and receive love.

If you answered no to several of these points, or if this list is quite different from your first list of your parents' beliefs about love and sex, you might consider doing the work of changing those beliefs into your own empowering beliefs.

Perhaps your parents themselves were never exposed to these ideas, and they might have felt shame or guilt about their own sexuality.

In that case, even if they told you all or some of the above, you might have received instead their unconscious message that sex was shameful.

That happens because as a child you live on an emotional level, so you absorb what your parents believe in their guts more than what they tell you with words, even when they believe their words at an intellectual, thinking level.

Now that you are a grown up, it is your right to check in with yourself and see where you are still unconsciously faithful to your parents' beliefs. This may be challenging emotionally - you took in what they believed because you loved them, and changing those beliefs might feel to you like a betrayal of your love.

You can both love your parents for who they are, without judgement, and also find and own your own beliefs that will empower you to a richer and more pleasurable life.

To bring those beliefs up into the conscious mind --where beliefs can be changed --takes intention, introspection, commitment, and a special breathing which I call "Ocean Breath," one of the most important Tantric breathing techniques.

As you know, unless the foundation of a building is firm, the building may collapse. Make sure that the foundation of your love-building is strong, so you can build it as high as you want in strength and safety.

Blessings,

Carla Tara

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A Letter I Received

I was delighted to receive this testimonial recently, and I wanted to share it with you because it touched my heart and I know it will inspire you to take another step on your journey into Intimacy and Love.


Carla, your book "Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer: A Journey into Intimacy, Relationships and Love" inspired me to breathe more fully, discover more of who I am and have the courage to experience more fulfillment and joy in my life.

Your lessons on how to change negative beliefs into positive, life affirming ones are simple and really work.

Both your vision and your down-to-earth techniques have helped me move through a couple of difficult experiences maintaining my balance and keeping my heart open. Thank you for your generosity in sharing yourself.

Miranda Fisher

Receiving testimonials like this inspires me to deepen and expand my work to help you to create a life of more pleasure.




Read more >>

Why Tantric Healing is Essential

We are born whole with an infinite potential for joy and ecstasy. We feel entitled to being taking care of. We are enthusiastic about discovering our world.

However, many people have been wounded either by neglect or by being treated as a burden from mother, father, or other family member. This has contributed greatly to the erosion of our trust in life.

Without that safety, we cannot open up fully to experience our full potential.

Healing means restoring you to your original wholeness.

A trained Tantrika can help you reconnect with the Universal Mother, the Goddess, who treats you like the special person you really are. We all have the archetype of the Goddess/Mother within.

As you restore trust you can start feeling worthy of the infinite potential of love. Once this basic trust that your survival is assured, other wounding can be addressed.

Another source of wounding for many people is the way we were taught the restricting rules of society. "Don't do this, don't do that. . ." If you are a boy: "Don't cry!" If you are a girl: "don't be angry!" You started feeling boxed in.

Every time you suffered a shocking experience when someone shamed you for feeling sexual or hurt you in any way, you locked up some of you natural, exuberant passion you were born with.

Remnants of sexual wounding are usually found in the water-based sexual center, and a skilled Tantrika can help you melt it and experience your full sexual potential.

If you were improperly touched or sexually abused, you probably felt powerless because the abuser obviously did not ask your permission. So you might have a block in your power center.

When you are "used" for someone else's pleasure your brain connects sexual pleasure only with the genitals and not with the heart, thus creating the split between sex and love.

And some of our religions have done similar damage to our psyche by creating the split between sex and spirit.

In my sessions, I set and hold the intention of connecting with and opening all the energy centers.

As a healer, a tantrika creates a safe space for your feelings and listens to your words, and especially pays attention to images and body language. Your unconscious reveals itself through images, sensations and body language.

Expanded sexual energy always helps unblock when you feel safe.

Transformation happens when we befriend the unconscious and establish a healthy connection to the present time. Unproductive or negative patterns can dissolve and you can restore your full potential for a fulfilling love life.

Tantric healing opens up enormous amount of energy that becomes available for your lovemaking.




Read more >>

Listen to Carla Talk About Tantra and Rejuvenation

Francesca Gentille, host of "Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra," interviews Carla about Tantra as a healing process, and a rejuvenation and relationship tool.

Learn how Tantra moves beyond psychotherapy to develop the emotional-physical bond and rejuvenates the body and mind. Carla explains how to work with a Tantrika, convenient rituals you can do at home to establish deep connection with your lover, and how to use Tantric communication to open your heart to more connected and authentic sex.

Listen to the podcast >>

Read the transcript of the interview >>


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The Five Types of Yoni: Part Four - The Orchid

Men, you are so lucky to have such variety of flowers in the female garden for your pleasure. Getting to know and appreciate each one of them is a worthwhile activity that will pay off immensely.

Today we are looking at the Orchid.

This yoni looks voluptuous and rich. The clitoris has many folds, each one a world to explore. This woman likes lots of foreplay.

The distance between the clitoris and the introitus is several fingers long.
The taste of her Amrita is a little salty.

Her g spot is mid-back of her pubic bone, deeper than you would expect.
Her cave is rather shallow; however it can deepen as she gets more excited.

When you do oral, she likes her hood lifted up and sucked on. This is different than some other women, who do not like their clitorises to be sucked on unhooded.

Although she prefers oral, she also likes finger probing and the finger is invited to
move in all directions.

When it comes to intercourse, she likes to keep it shallow, because otherwise it hurts her, therefore one of her favorite positions is spooning and thrusting from side angles. She likes pubic to pubic grinding as well. I would recommend that you don’t lift her legs because it would go in too deep and it would hurt her.

She prefers a thick and not too long lingam. If your lingam is very long, and you like full blown thrusting, you can ask her to hold her hand around it to make sure it does not go all in. This will satisfy you, and still be comfortable for her.

Enjoy getting to know the woman who cultivates this wonderful flower.




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Tantra Helps Maintain Youthfulness

You might know individuals in their forties, fifties, sixties and even older who think, act, and look much younger than their chronological age. Their youthful attitude permeates their entire life. They keep their love relationships fresh, exciting, sensuous and intimate. Couples’ feelings for each other deepen and sexual attraction remains as strong as it was when they first fell in love.

These people live a Tantric life whether or not they have studied the Tantric secrets.

Some people are directly attuned to this knowledge. After all, the entire knowledge of the whole universe comes through to us if our mind is open and quiet enough to let it in. To receive the knowledge you have to have a firm intention to receive it, and a mind that is strong and flexible enough be open to it.

If your mind tends to be scattered, or stuck in old paradigms, Tantric training can help you. Tantra can also help if you have a job that requires you to be “inside your mind” a lot.

Through tantric training you learn to focus your mind on what works to achieve the deepest connection with body, mind and spirit. You are paying attention to the sensations in your body and you breathe deeply so they expand into higher excitement.

You are letting go of all thoughts based on comparisons, you are letting go of goals of performance, and you trust your natural sexuality, which is not mind-driven.

Sexual performance remains vigorous since you can sustain the excitement of riding the waves preceding the ejaculation much longer than you used to before practicing Tantra.

And yet, there is more to Tantra than enhanced sexual relationships. A Tantric lifestyle is all-encompassing, and includes more flexibility in mind and body, radiant health, feeling more youthful, and higher self-esteem. All of this serves to enhance both the work life and the family life. Health, flexibility, enhanced sexuality, and youthfulness become a self-feeding loop, constantly leading to higher vitality and inner satisfaction.

Those who understand and practice the Tantric principles realize that they have found the true Fountain of Youth.

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Father’s Day – Celebration For Some And Sadness For Others!

Fatherhood brings a lot of responsibility and also great joy to the man who is committed to being a loving father who honestly cares for the welfare of his children.

A good father bonds with his children and helps them along the path of finding out who they are, their talents, and to becoming the best they can be.

We know no one is perfect. However, there is a lot of satisfaction in being a ‘good enough’ father. A 'good enough' father finds time to spend with his children and nurtures his connection with his wife.

Tantra recommends building a strong love bond between parents because the stronger the love connection of the parents, the more children will grow up having a model of a marriage that works. A strong connection and good communication with his mate makes him a better lover and a better father.

Men who come to me for relationship counseling and Tantra get to understand on a deep level that trust in life comes from good mothering, and self-esteem comes from good fathering. When you tell your child that it’s OK to make mistakes and kindly but strongly invite them to look at the consequences of their actions to learn from their mistakes, you have helped your child with his or her self-esteem.

When you go to see your kids’ games, you have helped them feel important enough for you to take that time for them.

Father’s Day is your special day to celebrate all that and more.

However, I am thinking also of those fathers who made their woman pregnant by mistake and were not able or willing to commit to fatherhood. I can only imagine how painful a day like Father’s Day can be to these biological “fathers” who might have succumbed to a moment of passion and caused a birth of a human being that would grow up without them. I’m imagining that on a certain level both the child and the father are longing for each other.

Tantric wisdom extends an invitation to those “fathers” to celebrate Father’s Day as well, by forgiving themselves for their ignorance, lack of consideration of the consequences of their action, or lack of courage to take responsibility for it.

By doing this, they start to father their own inner kid that I’m guessing might not have had great self-esteem when that happened.

Forgiveness builds self-esteem and transforms guilt into love.

I also feel for those fathers who had the misfortune to lose their children in war or through some accident or sickness.

Holidays like this serve to help them mourn for the loss and get deeper into self-love.

My love goes out to all of you, fathers! Happy Father’s Day!
Read more >>

The Five Types of Yoni: Part Three - The Lily

Again, we invite men to really notice everything about a woman: the way she moves, the way she tilts her head, the different kinds of smiling.

Every man I talk to is extremely happy when he sees his woman happy. There is an altruistic way men love their women.

One of the most important ways a man can honor his woman is to notice and admire her yoni. It is now common knowledge that every woman has a different yoni just as every person has a different finger print.

We are looking at yet another type of yoni today.

The Third Type of Yoni – The Lily

Her clitoris is several inches from the vaginal opening

She enjoys a lot of clitoral stimulation especially over her long, smooth tunnel-like hood

Her inner lips are thin, but a little thicker than the tulip yoni.

Her vaginal cavity is deep and naturally very wet.
Her Amrita tastes sweet. So lovers, please make sure you get to taste it.

She enjoys lots of foreplay and oral sex; she likes a lover who starts softly, almost just breathing on her, but is invited to go all the way to hard sucking when she's really turned on.

She likes squeezing on the sides--also called shafts--of the clitoris. She often increases her stimulation by sliding her hooded clitoris back and forth and around.

During intercourse she likes woman on top, doggy-style and side to side with her man's leg between her legs. She prefers positions that allow for grinding of the pubic bone.

She can accommodates and enjoy long lingam.
Enjoy making love to her yoni, but don’t forget to look into her eyes to let your love come through to her soul.

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Exciting Video Interview with Carla Tara, about Tantric Sex!

It was very interesting being interviewed about a topic so dear to my heart. The interviewer was Anton of Sexy Spirits, a wonderful community that merges the knowledge of Taoism and Tantra.

And in spite of my deep knowledge of the subject I was feeling nervous wanting to give the most in the short time we had.

I would appreciate any comments about what you would have liked to hear more about.



Read more >>

Dealing With Stress the Tantra Way

Life has become easier and more complicated at the same time.

Easier because we have everything closer at hand, complicated because we have many choices available and only limited time to study them and to pursue them.

We have to deal with: "what is the best way to deal with this? Who is right? Who can help us meet our challenges or solve our problems?"

What about if I make wrong choices because I have not studied the problem enough, or I've not asked the right people? What is 'enough'? Who is the best person that can counsel?

All of these decisions and indecision can be very stressful.

At these times, we may remember to trust our intuition. But how are we going to recognize what is intuition and what is just a strong desire to get past the painful problem solving time?

It gets especially painful when choices have to do with our health, our relationships and our job. The temptation to move fast in the hope of getting out of the pain of non-decision can be great, especially for dynamic personalities, but fast might not be the best move.

I suggest that you study 3 different good sources of information. There is something special about the number 3.

What do I mean by good sources? I mean generally recognized as valuable sources. Not just a friend or a family member, but recognized experts.

Then let go of the search, and take time for yourself to get into the core of your being where you are one with all that exists.

• Do some body movements and stretching to relax the body
• Lie down on a couch or mat and close your eyes
• Visualize you are sitting in a room full of light. Give that light the color that represents love for you
• Imagine every cells of your body soaking up the color of love
• Do the Tantric Ocean Breath for about 10 minutesto get the energy moving
• Pleasure your body with the same passion you would pleasure your lover
• Do so until your body starts vibrating with energy and perhaps even moving in waves
• Ride the orgasmic waves that are happening spontaneously
• Enjoy the feeling of abandon
• Get to a space of gratitude that you have a body
• Then rest and ask yourself the question you want an answer to
• Listen to the first answer you perceive

Intuition does not try to convince you. It just tells you the answer to your question and then it's quiet. It's not invested in being listened to. Intuition does not talk back to your questions: "but what if ..." The "what if" is the voice of the ego contradicting the intuition.

Stay with the first hint.

Get up and start taking the first step in the direction of the hint you have received.

You are on your way to solving your problem the best way for you and to achieving the desired result!

Enjoy the process. It works for me.
Please let me know if it works for you too.

Carla Tara
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The Five Types of Yoni - Part Two: The Tulip

One of the wonderful insights of Tantra is that female energy is like a river -- you can never step in the same water twice, as it is always flowing and changing. For the male partner, this means it is important to remember that making love to a woman requires your total attention to how she's feeling in the moment, not remembering what turned her on last time you made love.

However there are some guidance posts in the physical structure of a yoni that you can use as relaxed guidance.

In my last newsletter, I described the first type - the violet. Today, I'm going to describe another yoni type - the Tulip.
If you love the act of intercourse itself, and prefer short genital foreplay, this is the yoni type for you.

Of course, you can extend the time of connection with her through
synchronized breathing, expressing your admiration and affection and with an exquisite Tantric body massage.

Her yoni's appearance may not be very impressive. She has a tiny clitoris next to the vaginal opening. Sometimes it's not even hooded, so it's very sensitive. Her inner lips are usually very small and thin, but also very sensitive.

But appearance does not determine sensation, and the woman with a Tulip yoni is blessed with a body that is well suited to the pleasure of the sexual act.

For her, the position of the clitoris makes it possible for her to be easily stimulated during intercourse, and the G-spot is close to the entrance and easily reached.

As you know, the G-spot is the lower end of the clitoris, which is the north pole of the yoni. Clitoris and G-spot are merging into the same sexual organ of pleasure.

In this type of yoni, the size of the vaginal cave is very deep, and can easily accommodate even longer sized lingams.

This type of yoni is usually dry, because she is hot and tends to evaporate the moisture quite fast. Please make sure that you have good lubrication close by when you make love to her.

Her amrita can taste from sweet to tart depending on her emotional mood.

If you do love to give her genital foreplay, be very, very gentle and slow; because of the sensitivity of both her clitoris and her inner lips. She likes to be stimulated by massaging and squeezing her outer lips together.

Often, this yoni tends to prefer intercourse to foreplay or oral because direct clitoral stimulation can actually be painful, and her clitoris receives a lot of stimulation from penetration alone.

She likes hard, fast intercourse with deep thrusting and movements that cause the lingam popping in and out of the vaginal entrance.

Her preferred intercourse positions? Well, she likes them all, but
especially positions that give her deep penetration. Positions with her
legs up are among her favorite ones.

Enjoy getting to know the woman first, and then delight in getting to know her yoni.

Read more >>

The Five Types of Yoni - Part One: The Violet

There are 5 types of yonis that can be recognized and a myriad of other little differences that actually make each yoni completely unique.

Each type has certain characteristics that are helpful to recognize.

I gave these different types of yonis a name of a flower bringing to mind how each yoni opens up to loving touch like a flower opens to the sun. Today I will discuss the first type, which I call Violet.

I will talk about the other four major types in my next newsletters.

Yoni -- The Violet

Her clitoris is about 4 inches above the vaginal opening, and may be tiny.

Her hood pops out easily over the clitoris, and her inner lips are small.

The size of her vaginal cave is of average depth.

Her G-spot location: very deep and back. Therefore stimulating her g-spot can be critical to orgasm.

Her temperature is medium hot.

The taste of her amrita (sexual juices) is neutral.

She is naturally moist-damp.

A woman with this type of yoni will usually enjoy a lot of grinding in intercourse and will require direct clitoral stimulation by hand or vibrator to bring her to orgasm. She prefers gentle pressure and squeezing.

She will find oral sex pleasurable with some sucking of the clitoris and labia,
and some side to side flicking motions.

A woman who has a 'Violet Yoni' prefers the following intercourse positions:

She will often enjoy tight penetration. She may find a pillow under the small of back is great to change the angle of entry.

She usually likes doggy style with a straight back so you or she can stimulate her clitoris manually.

If your woman has this type of yoni, you can start using this information and enjoy the results!

If not, become more sensitive to her structure and her mood and enjoy the challenge and the blessings it will bring you!
Read more >>

Personal Appearance at Sedona Conference

Next week, I will be speaking at the Spring Conference & Gathering for Sacred Sexuality Healers, Teachers & Practitioners at Sedona Temple in Sedona, Arizona. My topic will be how Tantra can be used to unblock the buried pain of past trauma and heal past wounds.

The healers and teachers at Sedona Temple are wonderful people, and I am blessed to know several of them personally. Their 3-day annual conference brings together over 200 sex healers from around the country and internationally, and is one of my favorite gatherings of the Tantric community. This year, the conference theme is "BEING - The Difference That Makes a Difference," a message that we can all embrace and share.

If you are exploring a future as a Daka/Dakini, this is a wonderful chance to be exposed to a wide variety of teachers and yogis. You can sample some of the best of the Tantric world from around the country.

You can find information on the conference and registration details at the Sedona Temple website.

Be sure to say hello!
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The Ultimate Fine-Tuned Male Lover

Anyone can make love. It is a natural act we are born with an ability for. But like all natural human abilities, there is a vast difference between those who fumble along doing it any old way, and those who excel, learning new skills and fine-tuning their talent.

Men should know that just because some techniques drive one woman crazy, the same technique could irritate another or even the same woman at different times.

So what does a man need to know to perfect his love-making skills?

First of all, to become the ultimate lover and take your woman to higher, ecstatic levels, you need to know that your woman can be different from day to day. Her moods are more like waves -- sometimes calm, and sometimes very intense.

Sometimes she likes gentle caresses, and sometimes she prefers a deep touch.
Sometimes she likes a sweet romantic approach, and sometimes she just wants to be taken.

This challenge seems to keep men interested in learning more and to stay in the moment.

But there is more to consider than her mood and desire. There is the actual physical structure of the yoni. Tantra describes five distinctive types of yonis, and I'll be explaining them all in future postings, and what a man needs to know about each one to approach them all with attention and skill.

No matter what shape or size your lover is, you will know how to build her passion and bring her to ecstasy! Read more >>

What is a Cervix Orgasm?

Question:

I have just discovered my g-spot, and loved the orgasms I have when it is well stimulated.

I was feeling so great thinking that now I know everything about my sexuality.

However, my friend ruined it for me the other day by saying that the cervix orgasm is better. I don’t even know you can have a cervical orgasm. Is it true?

Answer:

First of all, orgasms cannot be compared. They are different for everyone and you can reach different heights at different days depending on many circumstances, including your mood, and especially the quality of your connection.

However, I am glad that your friend mentioned the cervix orgasm, because most people have never heard of it. The more you know about your anatomy, the more you can enjoy your body.

The cervix is the end of the canal that starts at the entrance of your vagina which Tantra calls the yoni or ‘sacred space.’ The cervix is made of cartilage, and it’s smooth and firm like the tip of the nose. It has something called the Os, that means mouth in Latin, which is the opening into the uterus.

After the clitoris and the g-spot -- the place inside your vagina behind the pubic bone at the base of the clitoris (Tantra calls this the 'Goddess spot’) -- have been stimulated and engorged, the cervix lifts higher and, consequently, the vaginal canal elongates and the cervix becomes more difficult to reach with the fingers.

However, the penis can reach it more easily, and if your man knows how to move well to stimulate your cervix without hitting it too hard, he can bring you to powerful orgasms usually accompanied by ejaculation of abundant sexual fluid which Tantra calls Amrita.

Now that you have found out about this wonderful experience, sometimes called the X Orgasm, I hope you have a lover that can help you reach this great orgasm!

Blessings,
Carla

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Does Size Matter?

I think it matters only when your self-esteem is low, when you actually don’t know how to turn her on with your personality, and your approach to lovemaking is rigid and fearful, instead of playful and seductive.

When you are concerned with whether she will like your penis (in Tantra we call it your Lingam), your attention is actually on yourself, and not with her and how she feels.

When you are afraid that a woman might not like you because of the size of your penis,

she probably won’t. Women are very intuitive, and they perceive your fear. As you know, fear is never a turn on.

When you know how to pay attention to a women and use your penis well, you

will turn her on so much that she can’t wait to feel you inside of her. By this time, her vaginal muscles will be squeezing your penis so strongly, that you will feel your size is more than enough.

I see professionally many women -- and many say that men with large penises are lousy lovers. and that they prefer a man who knows how to make them feel good with attention, romance, and great foreplay.

Perhaps men who are well-endowed think their big penis is enough to make a woman happy and they don’t put much effort in the foreplay.

So sometimes size matters – but maybe not the way you thought.

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The Art of Orally Pleasing a Woman

I recently received a phone call from a young man who had come to see me about a month ago to learn how to pleasure women. He was frustrated trying to give his girlfriend an orgasm this way with no success, and he thought that maybe she just did not like oral loving.

“How can it be possible?” he asked me in disbelief during the session.

There could be several reasons. Just to mention a few:

She might have felt ashamed of it as many women do when they grow up, believing that their sex center is “dirty.”

Perhaps the first man who did oral on her might have stimulated her clitoris too soon and too hard, and it might have been rather painful to her.

I remember seeing his eyes widen at my answer, so I asked him about his approach, and from his description I understood why she did not like it.

Immediately he asked me if I could teach him how to give oral pleasure to a woman.

I explained that the tiny clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, and that it should be approached gently and slowly at first, otherwise the sensation gets too intense, and can even become painful. Some women want other parts of their yoni stimulated first, before going to the clitoris.

The best approach begins with taking time to connect with her first by looking into her eyes, and then synchronizing your breath with her. By doing that, you can penetrate her soul, and go places with her you might not have reached before.

Once you have connected with her through the eye and the breath, move your attention to her body. Start breathing on the yoni before you move on to touching it with your tongue, softly at first.

Keep monitoring her facial expression and her body reaction to your approach. You can also ask about her experience, if you are not sure what her facial expression wants to tell you.

Most women like to be brought to a place of wanting more instead having to pull back because it’s too intense. When the yoni opens up more, then you can increase the firmness gradually.

The more attention you pay to your lover’s expression and adjust your giving accordingly, the more you can heighten her pleasure and your enjoyment in riding the waves of ecstasy with her.

Now, calling me a month later, this young man proudly announced that his girlfriend reaches several orgasms when he gives her oral attention. He told me that his highest pleasure was to see her in ecstasy, and he was so grateful for the teaching he had received from me.

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The Best Way to Succeed with Any Woman

A popular online men’s magazine, Askmen.com, recently ran an article by David DeAngelo called “Top 10: Ways To Succeed With Any Woman.” When you boil them down, David’s ten ways all return to a common theme – that a man needs to be secure within himself.

I love most of the ways David suggests that a man do this in this interesting article, especially his advice: “Don’t give all of yourself to just any woman,” and “Stop worrying about what she’s thinking.” To these, I would add “be more concerned with what both you and she are feeling when you are with each other.”

I do have to disagree with David though, on suggesting that a man should feel like a star, with the women in his life revolving around him like planets. A star is often seen as perfect, as greater than life… And many stars feel they don’t match the projections put on them and don’t feel very good inside. Some of them I talk with say “If they knew how stressful my life is and how difficult it is to keep the appearance of having it all together!…”

To me, the more real the man is and therefore showing his human qualities, the more a real woman likes him, and then she can safely and powerfully rise in love with him.

If he behaves like a star, she might think he’s too much for her, or see him as cocky, or-- if she’s not as mature, she might be tempted to please him all the time -- because she does feel like a planet revolving around him.

If he is mature he might not like that at all.

Playing at “being a star” might be acceptable for teenagers, but not for mature lovers.

A real man loves to make his woman happy and treats her like a Goddess.

A real man knows how to pay attention to her and discover who she really is.

If she shows her real self, his greatest pleasure is seeing her happy in life and in ecstasy in sex. The more he shows his affection and knows how to make her happy, the higher his self-esteem as a man goes.

Of course, he wants to be treated with full respect and love as well. To me, that is the best approach to be successful with any woman.

Ciao!
Carla


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Making Deposits to Your Energy Account

My greatest desire is to reach a great number of people to share my passion with, and to invite as many as possible
• to live a more conscious and pleasurable life,
• to live more in the heart and the creative brain than in the critical brain,
• to express love by connecting on all levels,
• and to have great sex.

I believe that having a fulfilling life means living with awareness, intelligence and passion.

While the style of life today provides you with material benefits, the stress it creates takes its toll by draining energy from your body and your psyche.

Many people spend numerous hours at work straining their minds and forcing their bodies to sit in the same position, whereas bodies are made to move and breathe deeply to stay healthy.

Often at work you must contain your emotions and play the role of rational thinking professionals. However, emotions are there to give us information about our inner state, and they are supposed to flow.

This lifestyle is depleting us of energy.

When we come home we want to experience some pleasure and freedom, but the body is not vibrantly alive enough to express itself fully.

Watching sex videos may stir up some passion that induces you to stimulate yourself sexually –whether alone or with your lover - in order to feel a sometimes intense, but short-lived release. Usually, after the release (which many confuse with orgasm), you feel tired, but you may interpret that as relaxed because we have forgotten what true relaxation feels like.

This kind of sexual activity can be fun, but not deeply nourishing to your body and soul. It does not make an energetic deposit into you energy account.

It's like dealing with a financial checking account. You start with a balance that is debited according to the withdrawals of money you make. To keep a positive balance on the account you must make regular corresponding deposits to the checking account.
We can think of the energy in our systems in the same way. The more you stress (withdraw), the more you need to put back in to keep the original balance.

Tantra enables you to make deposits not only to sustain your life but to keep youthfully vital and healthy.

You need some time of pleasure, of being with yourself and your lover -feeling, thinking and behaving genuinely, giving up the act you often have to put on for social and business relationships.

You have a need to be spontaneous, and to experience new ways of connecting and sharing on a deep level.

Tantra teaches you how to create pleasure consciously and enjoy it longer, thus contributing to the energy bank account.




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Reaching the Next Level of Technology

As a Tantrika, my work centers on the emotions and the body, and far from the tech world. Or so it might seem to some.

However, the internet truly is a web -- of minds, of ideas, of energy and connections. And some, I'm excited to spin more strands into the web. My blog is now Digg and Technorati enabled, which means, I hope, we will be seeing more connections with you, your loved ones, and the other enlightened individuals who we can reach only through this wonderful web.

Ciao,
Carla

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Passionate Lovemaking to Welcome the Spring

The best way I know to celebrate the coming of the Spring Season is Tantric Lovemaking.

Nature is preparing to come out of hibernation and to sprout billions of flowers and leaves. Our human heart wants to sprout, too. It wants to give life to a new, fresher, deeper love. We long to celebrate life’s infinite abundance and joyous expression with our human nature, giving spring a brighter color.

Take time to feel this new energy and allow yourself to express it exuberantly with a loved one.

Start by expressing your gratefulness for having each other and look deeply into each other’s souls through Tantric eye gazing. Forgive yourself and each other if you have
been putting business before love. Decide to start making up for it now.

Men, take a whole day to serve the Goddess in your woman, and women, to serve the God in your man. You deserve a day of love. Turn off the phone and don’t even open your computer! This is your time. If you have children, find them a babysitter.

Let your imagination go wild…..

Perhaps you want her to put on the new sexy outfit you just bought for her and enjoy your Goddess wearing it just for you. Enjoy the sheer pleasure of seeing her walk and in it, and perhaps dance for you….or the two of you together.

Enjoy peering through the veil-like texture to see her sensuous body.

She can wear it until you gently or wildly (depending on your moods) undress her and give her a luxurious bath; sprinkle some essential oil on her body and breathe it in; dry her up with the most velvety towel you have you have and cover her with kisses; adore her shape and the texture of her skin by giving her a sensuous Tantric massage, then make love to her from all the levels of your being: the human, the animal, and the Divine.

Your favorite music is playing, matching the mood you are in, candles are burning, and flowers perfume your space.

She will enjoy all of it immensely and she will give you the gift you have been longing for: the most fantastic lovemaking ever! Her enthusiasm and creativity is mind blowing and both of you allow yourself to rise to a higher level of love.

After pleasuring her pearl (clitoris) and her precious lotus flower (g spot) she is longing to honor your lingam (penis) and pleasure your g spot.

You are taking your time to make love in different positions, feeling the geometry of the Divine in each position, which catapults you into ecstasy.

Take time to slow down the movements allowing the waves of pleasure to take you to valley orgasms. Integrate each valley orgasm by looking into each other’s eyes and feeling each other’s bellies undulating together while you are holding each other in a melting hug.

When you have integrated this powerful energy, you will continue to climb the mountain of ecstasy until you are completely fulfilled.

Let your energy spread around you, thus helping your world to feel more joy.

Happy Spring Season!

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An Unusual Valentine's Day Celebration

I received a phone call from a dear friend, Marylyn, wishing me a great Valentine's day and telling me she did not have a lover bringing her chocolate and flowers, but she had a great time. Her voice was consistent with the news. She sounded turned on and happy. "She definitely enjoys being by herself", I thought.

As though she had heard my thought, she said, "I do enjoy spending time with myself; I usually read a book, dance by myself, or play my guitar. But today I've decided to do something to have others feel enjoyment about being alive."
"So I've decided to go to an old folks home to help the people there to feel some joy. Many old people have been parked at a home and seldom see their loved ones."

What Marylyn said made me realize that when you are alone there is a tendency to interpret this as if you are not loved. Marylyn distinguished between being alone and being lonely. Alone can be a high state where you feel united with your higher self and with others spiritually; lonely is a state of feeling separate.

Marylyn went to the old folks home and showed the old folks a good connecting breathing exercise that she had learned in my Tantra class. They especially loved making a sexy sound on their exhalation. When she saw great aliveness coming back into these people, she started playing old songs which they could relate to. They loved them.

They started singing along, and feeling energized and connected with each other through the music that they shared. Soon their innate vitality came through clearly, sharing bright smiles to each other and to Marylyn.

Marylyn was beaming, her heart overflowing with joy for being able to be a catalyst for so much love. Her own enthusiasm for life and for music was beaming from every cell of her body.

Marylyn had a Tantric experience, as she put it. Her heart opened up very wide, and she felt energy spiraling up her spine similar to when she had sex with her lover. She realized that you don't have to touch genitals to have a tantric experience. This realization was coming to her as a thank you from the Goddess in her for her dedication to sharing her love unconditionally.

Another friend called me later to tell me that her lover came to visit her from far away unexpectedly and sparks were flying. She asked me for advice on how to deal with so much energy. Of course, the advice I gave her is to take deeper breaths and connect with each with a slower approach to lovemaking. Take time to kiss slowly while looking into each other's eyes. To enjoy each sensation of each touch or love expression as though your whole bodies are melting into each other.

How was your Valentine's Day? If it was not what you wanted, know you have the choice to create one every day.

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A Day in the Life of a Tantra Master

I wake up this morning feeling grateful that I am alive. Silently, I formulate words of gratefulness and my heart responds to them, beating more enthusiastically. My mouth is shaping a wonderful smile and my eyes open widely.
Then I take time to tune into the pleasurable current of energy that wakes up my whole body. I place one hand on my heart and the other on my belly, connecting love with power.
Next, I gently place one hand on my throat and the other on my genitals to feel kinesthetically the wonderful connection between the communication center and the sex center.
As women, we know that expressing pleasant thoughts and receiving communication that shows we are seen by our lover opens our hearts. And once our heart is open, the energy spirals easily to our sex center and back and forth increasing the energy, preparing us for the best lovemaking.
I’m now going through another level of awakening by taking a wonderful shower. Rivulets of water flowing down every inch of my body create great pleasure. I feel the touch of thousands of water droplets cleansing me and opening up my skin to breathe more freely and feel more vividly anything touching it, from my sheer silky clothes to the caress of a loving hand.
Then I sit to meditate in front of my table which is covered with colorful silk, adorned with flowers, a candle and an image of a Tantric couple in bliss.
I meditate on my breath, my closest connection to life, deepening it and slowing it down, each breath another opportunity to unite the outer with the inner, consciousness with energy . . . until I experience an exhilarating union between the female and the male energy within me, which takes me to an even higher level of connection between my body and my spirit.
I am experiencing the marriage of human wholeness that was never supposed to be broken.
After this nourishing morning ritual, I am ready to be of service to those people who want to understand and ultimately experience this connection.
Whom am I going to help today? Who is going to call? Who is going to make a last minute appointment? Just habitual questions…. I actually don’t need to know the answers, because anything that happens is going to be taken care of by the guidance and the inspiration that flows forth from a central core of infinite love and wisdom.
I know that a wonderful couple has scheduled three hours this afternoon. I know he wants his woman to more open to express her sexuality and ask for what she wants and sometimes to initiate lovemaking.
She wants him to be more gentle, and take more time in the foreplay.
When I inquired during our telephone conversation whether she had asked him that, she said: “No, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” I understood that she was afraid she might hurt his ego. She knows he is convinced he is a great lover. How could she dare to tell him she would like something different?
I’m excited to have the opportunity to help her open her mind to a new reality,
one that sees her man not as a someone she has to protect, but as a friend, a partner in love, who will be excited to know what she desires from him so they can together reach the highest possible orgasmic connection.

I know she wants him to look into her eyes and see who she really is, present before him, not as a projection of who she is to him in his mind. When she sees this true awareness of her in his eyes, she will be inspired to find the words to ask for that and more.
She can initiate the lovemaking with her smile, melt her man with her powerfully soft approach. That’s how she’s going to initiate the connection this afternoon… who knows though, some other approach might come through. I am open to receive the directions from my core as I keep connecting with the infinite wisdom and love that we are. My core and her core have the same wisdom. Only in some of us, that wisdom is clouded by limiting beliefs that we have unconsciously acquired.
She will be able to communicate to her lover honestly and softly, inviting a similarly clear, honest and soft reaction. Such communication engenders trust in both partners.
A communication that makes you feel trusting is a prerequisite to love and to ecstasy. Ecstatic moments are essential for the health of the body, the emotions and the soul. We need to create more time for those nourishing moments.
Our sex center loves to relax and vibrate with the joy of being alive, especially in the presence of trust.

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